The Donut Mathematician

Hello. My name is Namski Tunod and I am a mathematician. I come to this cafe every day to do my calculations. For the past 23 years I have come. And still the answer to my great question alludes me: What is the ideal circumference of a donut? This question riddles me like no other.

My wife, she was a griper, complained my midnight mutterings absurd, called me obsessed. But I ply you, Who would not be obsessed when struck by such a marvelous universe-altering question such as mine! How many of humanity’s problems might be solved if only we knew how to perfectly shape a Chocolate Frosted? How many! So she left me. She said, sprinkles or me? And I, following my truth, chose sprinkles. But…

Sometimes these days, notably in the hours between breakfast and brunch, I think of her and wonder if my decision correct. My heart feels cream-filled and she was my jelly. But I know only one way forward. I must solve this riddle and prove my life’s purpose to her. Perhaps then she will come back to me. Perhaps then I can return to her! Ahh, I am confused and my mind is like doughy batter. Powdered heavens above, give me your grace and spare me from the deep fryers below!

My name is Nam Tunod and I am a donut mathematician.