TTK No. 48

Looking through the keyhole at my tiny experience, I see the snow of yesterday and the snow that fell the day before, and I wonder about the man who helped me see it all differently. I cannot tell you his name; I do not have enough words here to describe who he was entirely. I only say he saved my life. He showed me how to live and he showed me how to live with myself and he said there were no limits to any of that. I haven’t been a great friend to that man these past few years, that man who saved my life, and I am sorry. My eyes well up as I think of what an ass I am, how my fear and arrogance led to such a separation. I won’t make this into some bigger thing, like this is how the world is today or something; how arrogant that would be, again, of me. I am beginning to see how I avoid the closest things to me, how I judge and think stupid the tender-most parts, and I suffer this hardness. He is too close. He was my friend and he was like my father. Simply I must say that I love him. I thank the universe tonight for his presence way back when, and his presence even now on my mind, even though it saddens. Because even if what I have done weighs so heavily on me, though I exaggerate it, still I know he was at least there. He will always remain.